MEATMarket. Nice pun, shame about the rest.

Ok. So my views on MEAT liquor are here.  Their new offshoot, MEATMarket opened in the Jubilee Hall market in Covent Garden this week. Take my views on MEATMarket and multiply them by 10.

If you're not a tourist, you've probably not been inside this market.  It sells, for want of a better phrase, a load of old tut.  I heart London t-shirts being the classiest example of the wares.  MEATMarket, a fast food version of MEATLiquor the restaurant, sits on a thin strip of a balcony, overlooking this market.

If this is your idea of a good idea, you're more open minded / younger than me.

MEATMarket loves a double entendre.

Call me prudish and old fashioned, but I don't really want a shaved Brazilian in my face when I'm thinking about a cheeseburger.

The thing is, I don't really care that much about what they do on their light box signs.  I wrote a book with quite a bit of shagging in it (some of it in public places.)  In fact, if you want to make a pun about shaved Brazilians, go ahead - but just make sure my burger is a great burger, because the effortful-ness is putting me off my food.

The burger here?  7 out of 10.  Hawksmoor's a 5 minute walk away. Their burger's twice the price and 7 times as good.  You do the maths.

Maybe I'm too old for this.  But the whole experience left me feeling grubby and dirty.  And not in a good sexy dirty way.  Just in a greasy burger way.